How easy is it to forgive someone who has done you wrong?
How often do you forgive others or yourself?
Are you a forgiving person?
Forgiveness is a topic which is a little cheesy, but if we look deeper into the concept it's more important than we think and more regular in our lives than we assume. Learning more about the concept will help you understand the relevance in our lives that it has each and every day.
TYPES OF FORGIVENESS TOWARDS OTHERS
There are two scenarios which require us to forgive, the first is when someone is genuinely sorry and apologies and the other is when they do not.
The first scenario is pretty straight forward, when someone asks for forgiveness of you for something done to you. It's usually normal to accept the apology from them. Yes, it can be incredibly difficult, but to avoid negativity to ourselves it's the right thing to do, for yourself.
Whereas when someone does not ask for your forgiveness, this is where it can get tricky. We usually expect someone to apologise and if they don't, it's where negative feelings and grudges can arise. Read on to find out more about these feelings.
WHY WE FIND IT HARD TO FORGIVE
In some cases even when someone does apologise we can hold unto the event and we are adamant not to forgive their wrong doings.
We as humans can find it hard to forgive situations because we still hold unto the hurt and pain that the situation may have caused us, that feeling still lives inside us and we find it hard to let go. We revert to a child-like mind and hold a deep grudge against the person for the way they might have acted towards us.
As if we want to cause them the same pain they had caused unto us, by acting against them. We may hold unto the situation in a state of defense, possibly in shock that someone wanted to do a bad thing towards us. Or we are just naturally angry, hurt or betrayed.
It's the natural reaction of when wrongs are done unto us, but not necessarily the right one. Ask yourself if you are finding it hard to forgive someone, what would they have to do for you to forgive them? Is it logical or realistic? Do they have to beg on their knees ? Or bend over backwards? In many cases this will not happen. But we still hold unto things.
I’ve known people who have gone years without forgiving someone and breaking all ties with that person because of the bitterness in their heart. Especially families, some people become so hard in their heart it becomes very difficult to reverse. This is a worse case of unforgiveness, the fact of cutting out family because of one situation is quite sad.
WHAT UNFORGIVENESS CAN DO TO US
Someone once told me that they never lay their head to rest at night knowing they are in bad blood with someone, or are in an unforgiving state. They would try to amend or explain their feelings to the person before going to bed. I have taken the same stance!
When you are angry or bitter against someone those energies fester in your soul overnight and you wake up, maybe not initially, but you will feel a stronger sense of unforgiveness for that person in your heart than before you went to sleep.
“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die.”
Marianna Williamson
This is definitely the best way to describe unforgiveness, and it does have the effect of poison in the body. Here are some effects of unforgiveness, if you notice them in yourself then maybe it's time to forgive that person.
Bitterness
Anger
Petty / spiteful
Hurt
Sadness
Anxiety
These secondary feelings that come from unforgiveness can take a toll on the body, everything you think will always be shown in our physical form. These feelings are destructive to your energy and to your body.
ACTING OUT OF UNFORGIVENESS
Unforgiveness can cause us to be spiteful and act in ways we wouldn't usually act. Revenge is a downward spiral of negativity that we bring to ourselves, and it doesn't make the situation any better by acting in this way.
Where would reacting badly of a situation get us? Possibly worsening the event, like adding fuel to a fire.
The best way to act in a situation is to find peace with yourself, understanding that nothing good comes from retaliation. Regardless of what the person has done to you. Yes, in the moment it may be difficult not to retaliate but we must not act out of emotion before we do something that we may regret.
WHY WE SHOULD LEARN TO FORGIVE MORE OFTEN
Holding a grudge against someone is destructive to our bodies. Think of it this way, the person you aren’t forgiving could be living their best life, and not even be thinking of the wrong they did to you, regardless of if they apologised or not. No amount of anger in your heart will make them feel any way.
Why should they be happy while you wallow in your contained feelings ? Don't allow yourself to be trapped in an energy that will only impact you. Its recommended to feel the anger, to feel the hurt and betrayal. Let it visit and don't allow those feelings to stay too long.
The quicker you put a situation to bed the less it stings, but the longer you hold it the harder it will be to move on.
LEARNING TO FORGIVE YOURSELF
Now, we have spoken a lot about learning to forgive others. But a lot of us have unspoken things that we need to forgive ourselves for. It's one thing to look someone in the face and move on from what they did to you, but learning to forgive yourself internally is quite difficult.
Why do I need to forgive myself? I hear you say, there are many things that we do to ourselves and we may not realise it has negative effects on us. Learning to forgive yourself is a form of self love. Accepting yourself and who you are, forgiving the wrong you have done to others and yourself.
Sometimes we can be really hard on ourselves, I know I am ! If like me, you are ambitious. Everyday could be a constant weight on your shoulders, if you don't add to your goals then you have a heavy conscious constantly condemning you every second. Which can be increasingly exhausting. Learning to forgive yourself for things you haven't done is a step closer to achieving your goals, accepting that you can't change the past, that week you binged on netflix or went out everyday neglecting your goals, is an acknowledgement for what you will try to change for the future to come.
Forgiveness is sometimes a self reflection into what you have been doing wrong. If you don't identify what is wrong then you can never truly progress for the better.
Forgiving yourself can sometimes mean accepting the mistake of allowing someone to treat you disrespectfully or betray you. There can be many times, I know there has for me, where we acknowledge signs that someone is doing us wrong but ignore it because of love or friendship or to avoid confrontation. When we forgive someone for doing us wrong is takes strength to forgive ourselves for allow them to.
“Why take in a snake and be surprised that it has bitten you, they have shown you their true colours all along. You just didn't want to believe it.”
This leads us into the next idea, forgive someone for the wrong they did, but not forgetting. When they say to not forget it still means letting go of feelings. But if you forgive a snake that has bitten you, would you still keep it as a pet? Probably not, I hope! If yes, you are giving it the opportunity to do the same thing again. Forgiveness is also about learning from the situation so isn't done to you again. Don't allow the snake to bite you a second time.
Forgiveness is the door to freedom and its the key to your chains. Understand that life goes so fast we may look back at it has already been 5 years. Don’t hold grudges on people and forgive more because life is too short to damage your energy and leave people out of your life if they are willing to change. Keep an open heart and open mind.
Word of Reassurance – everything which is written is based on opinion, experience and perspective of life. I share these blogposts as you may pick up on something which can help you for the future. If you have any concerns or comments feel free to give feedback.
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