WHO ARE YOU?
Can you answer this question with a response lasting more than five minutes with absolute confidence? Most of us can't, the reason is because we don't know who we are truthfully.
"The recognition of one's potential qualities as an individual."
Dictionary definition of Self Identity.
I believe there is a deeper meaning than this definition. Self-identity is the ability to know yourself well, every trait, belief, attribute, strength AND weakness. Self-identity begins from within, it is the fundamental layer of what makes you, you!
A visual example would be looking into a mirror. You would see as much as you know about yourself. Those who have good knowledge of who they are see their reflection clearly in front of them. Those who don't struggle to see a true reflection of themselves - this can lead to obstacles in the future such as when it comes to defining one's purpose in their lifetime, being able to know what they stand for etc.
Our adulting years are crucial in self-development and discovering our self-identity. It is where we learn to become more independent, and we are given more freedom from our parents to make decisions, grow mentally and physically into an adult. However, we rarely spend the time needed to focus on our self-development. We are mostly concentrated on the external such as the fear of not fitting in, self-image and reputation. Notice that these few examples are all to do with how concerned we are about the way others and society view us, so we never truly get to develop a sense of self. Just like any other aspect in our lives, we have to nourish ourselves in order to grow like a flower needs to be nurtured in order to grow, to spend time and invest in ourselves.
How can you give fulfilment in what you do if your self-identity is not yet fulfilled?
That the reflection staring back at you is blurred.
How would you know what makes you truly happy?
"Charity begins at home."
Derived from the Bible.
In society being selfish is often frowned upon, but it is so important to give yourself that time to understand who and what you are, by nourishing that fact and working on learning more about yourself every day. Focus on yourself first. Think of yourself like a glass of water, if the glass is half full it is impossible to fill another glass to the brim because you need to be fulfilled as well.
"I find it ironic that I feel like I don't know myself, when I should be the one who knows myself best!"
Dominique Victoria.
How many times have people asked you this question? “I know you better than you know yourself”. This question shouldn't even apply to you if you truly know yourself. When you have good knowledge of your self-identity well enough you have the obligation to tell the next person who says that to you is “No, I don’t think you do 😉”.
So! The next question you are probably thinking … How do you do it? Here I have a few practical steps to take which will help you discover your self-identity.
BE MORE INDEPENDENT
Begin to do things on your own. Whether it is spending your free time at the library to divulge in a good book, taking a stroll in the park alone or even exploring the city for the day. Yes, it is healthy to have people around you and as humans it is essential that we can communicate and build relationships to live a healthy life; however, being the most intelligent species on earth we also have the capability to explore and develop ourselves.
Learn to be more comfortable spending time by yourself. Some of us (and previously including myself) get so used to being around others that it is difficult to embrace our own company. It is no different to being in a room with a complete stranger, it gets awkward and uncomfortable that eventually we would seek someone to ease the isolation.
Learning to enjoy your own presence is a powerful tool which is a good indicator for others as you go through life, because truly we spend most of our lives solo.
“There is no greater journey than the one that you must take to discover all of the mysteries that lie within you”
Michelle Sandin
THE CHOICE IS YOURS
Each of us have our own beliefs, thoughts and feelings and in order to find your self-identity you have to be more generous to yourself. Allow yourself to be more opinionated in choosing how each day goes, you are in control of the day and your life.
Learning to say NO.
Sometimes we can be tempted to please everyone around us constantly, whether that is our family, friends or strangers. We are regularly put in situations where we are asked to do favours for others or use our time to help others in situations which can put us second place. Learning to understand priorities and choosing yourself as top priority will sometimes require you to say no, even though it can be hard to do so.
Saying no to things you aren’t comfortable with and really don’t want to do, will begin to develop your stance - and non-tolerance. It will develop your knowledge on what you like and dislike.
Learn how to say YES.
Be open to risky opportunities and crazy possibilities. We learn from experience, you will begin to understand your self-identity with experiencing new things - throwing yourself in the deep end. Experience teaches you what you like and don’t like.
Ever been wanting to try something new? Go ahead and do it! It can go two ways, you might love it or you might learn a something from it. Come out of living a static manner and shake it up a bit. Each day try to do something different, something out of your comfort zone.
My personal experience, I went to a summer camp and I purposely chose a group where I knew there will be nobody else there that I knew, prior to this decision I reflected and knew I needed to improve my social skills and making new friends was a daunting experience for me. I did so and it turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life!
EMBRACE YOURSELF
We tend to do things because others are doing it, we go along with it. Like a fashion trend, show people the current trends 50 years ago and they would have thought we are crazy. But you find more and more people will eventually follow it because others are doing it too and it’s trendy - we like to have similarities between our peers. This can also be applied to life, we go along with the flow out of fear, the need for peace, to be liked by others etc. Then we begin to lose our individuality, it is difficult and takes a lot of courage to stand strong and embrace who you are. If you are feeling deprived of who you are, remember to say with meaning the following things:
I love myself unconditionally
I'm extremely self-independent
I am highly self-motivated
I am self-enthusiastic and optimistic
I decide how my life goes
Embrace yourself as a person, because if you don’t, nobody else will! Being confident with the person you are and loving every part about you no matter what others might say, we are all imperfectly perfect and was designed this way.
FLOURISHING IN HARMONY TOGETHER
There is a significant difference between growing independently and dependently. Imagine you are cross-country running in marsh land, there is a finish line. You are with other people going through the challenges of life (marshland). When you are behind or dependent, the person in front is first to experience all the challenges and struggles - it comes as a surprise to them - before you so you never face it independently.
If they fall and trip, you fall and trip. You are directly behind them and have no sight of what is ahead of you = no real knowledge of self and following the person’s goals rather than your own.
Whereas walking alongside someone or independently, reflects as yourself and others are going through life at a similar pace and are able to support each other - but you experience the struggles for yourself. Every fall will allow you to gain knowledge from it and you will be better prepared for the future.
Not only helping yourself by investing time in discovering the depths about you. But also looking towards encouraging others to define themselves and aiding them in their growth also. You can do this by asking questions towards your peers such as what they enjoy doing? What skills do they wish to improve?
REFLECT ON YOURSELF
A practical way of beginning to find yourself is to reflect on what you already know. Not from the perspective of others but from your OWN perspective. What are your strengths? You find these by looking at what you are good at. What attributes do you want to improve on? Beginning to look at what you know is a good foundation to building upon that.
There are some questions to ask yourself to prompt you to start getting to know yourself:
What are all of my personal interests/passions?
What are my personal strengths and weaknesses?
Do I focus on the lives of others while ignoring my own needs & wants?
What do I need/want personally?
What is my actual dream job and career?
What is my purpose to life?
Do I have a habit of sacrificing my own happiness, needs or wants to make others happy, including society?
Am I truly happy with what I've become and done lately?
From following these steps, you will begin to reveal attributes and traits which you will have never noticed without reflecting on yourself and temporarily blocking out the external. This is only the beginning and as time goes on you will be able to answer questions about yourself with confidence. There is a long journey ahead and having a clear vision of self-identity will make your road easier!
“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.”
George RR Martin, Game of Thrones
Read this quote again and understand what it means, the words in themselves create a sense of proud armour to who you unapologetically are. Sometimes our identity can be compromised however with mental strength and the practical actions to what this quote demonstrates you will be undeniably yourself.
So, let me ask you again...
Who are you?
Who are you willing to be?
Word of Reassurance – everything which is written is based on opinion, experience and perspective of life. I share these blogposts as you may pick up on something which can help you for the future. If you have any concerns or comments feel free to give feedback.
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